#46 The Island

“For 300 years they've avoided the garbage of civilization.”
This line makes an intro almost too easy.
Actually, this wasn't as bad as I expected. That doesn't mean it was good though.

From the trailer you see that this film is definitely an attempt to cash in on the success of Jaws. Not only is it based on a novel by the same author, Peter Benchley, but the tagline in the trailer is “Now, the most terrifying thing in the water is … The Island”.

Directed by Michael Ritchie, the film looked good and didn't feel nearly as fake as I expected it too.
I think what first seemed like rip-off shots in the film felt more like slight nods to Jaws in the end.
A caught Tuna/Marlin (the fishermen can't decide) with a large bite taken out of it.
An underwater scene of kicking legs.
And definitely lots of shots of open water, but those make sense due to the context of this film, with or without Jaws.

The movie opens with some action as the viewer learns that what will be coming from the water won't be any sort of animal, but instead vicious pirates, with an ax!
Then we get to meet the real characters of Blair Maynard (Michael Caine) and his son, Justin.
The story has a good set-up. Blair is a reporter who wants to investigate 3 years of missing boats in a certain area. His son gets dropped with him by his mother leaving for a vacation so Blair takes him with on the trip, although the two are not very close at all.

As all the missing boats have been, Blair and son are captured by the band of pirates. Blair shoots and kills one as he makes his way onto their boat. This leads to a trial for Blair and the pirates decide, rather than kill him, he must impregnate the wife of the man he killed. Okay, that's a new one. The son gets bainwashed to become an adopted son of the pirates and the movie continues in typical fashion of 'how will we get out of this alive'.

Action scenes of the pirates taking boats isn't terrible, with a rip-roaring score fitting old pirate movies. But, just when you start to get into the action they ruin it. For instance, a man on the ship attempting to fight off the pirates with nothing but his tight blue underwear and karate noises.

Where the movie really falls apart is the stilted dialogue and acting. Although Caine was nominated for a Worst Actor Razzie for this role, I can't blame him fully, I think he needed some help from the supporing chaacters, and NONE was given. One or two of the main pirates may have been decent if they had had any script to work with.

*If you plan to watch this movie and want to be surprised in any way skip down to the verdict.*

There is definitely something off about the son, I don't know if they re-recorded his lines, or overdubbed them with someone else, or if he's just an awful actor, but it is really off-putting anytime he talks. Although the true crippling part of this character is less the acting and more the writing. The son doesn't get along too well with his father, and when captured is brainwashed quite easily. Believable enough, I guess. But then the whole freaking outcome of the movie is that father and son are back together and safe, and it is all ridiculously unbelievable.

The entire movie leads up to (as if anyone is still interested in the story at this point) a final fight scene upon a coast guard boat. The pirates have just taken the ship from a much, much larger group of coast guard members. Then Blair sneaks onto the ship, after swimming from shore, finds an automatic mounted gun and just mows down the entire band of merry pirates except a few, including his son.
As I said before, Blair and son are safe and together and the viewer is left wondering what the hell just happened.

**The Verdict**
2 stars
I can't say I'm sorry I watched this movie. The cinematography looked good, and there were a number of worthwhile, if laughable scenes. However, I can't say I would recommend it to anyone, unless I know they like bad movies.

Awards:
Nominated for Razzie – Worst Actor Michael Caine
Disagree. Can't blame Caine for his supporting cast and a terrible script.

Nominated for Razzie – Worst Director Michael Ritchie
Strongly Disagree. I think Ritchie did everything he could for this. His biggest mistake was probably signing on to try and turn this script into a film in the first place.

Memorable moments and quotes:
Pirate lighting his head on fire before boarding the boat!
-Definitely unexpected

Brainwashing boy by keeping eys open with toothpicks.
-Gross. It obviously worked though.

Blair: “Its a drug called cocaine”
Pirate Woman: “What does it cure?”
Blair: “Insecurity”

Fisherman: “You don't send a proctologist to do a nose job.”

Box Office: Flop
Understandable! This had an estimated budget of 22 million and pulled in only 15.7 million.
Universal seems to have dumped a lot of money into making the next Jaws and failed miserably. Had they sold the movie on its own merits to the gore audience (this is pretty gory for its day) it may have faired better.

Overall:
If you have an obsession with bad movies or pirates hunt this film down. Otherwise, feel free to pretend it was never even made, that's what the people responsible seem to be doing. (Not out on DVD)